The mission: Meet three women and use a disqualifier.

One important note on disqualification from the book:

Most disqualifiers are meant to be playful. Others are used to demonstrate that you have high standards and won’t date or sleep with just anyone. However, a disqualifier should never be hostile, critical, judgemental, or condescending. There’s a fine line between flirting and hurting. And disqualification is never intended to be mean or insulting. So say these with a smile on your face and laughter in your voice, as if you were good-naturedly picking on a younger sibling.

Some ideas for disqualifiers:

• Ask her what her favorite movie is, then respond, “You actually liked that? That’s it. I’m going home. Nice meeting you.”
• Do you have a gold medal? I only date women who’ve won a gold medal, you better hurry and get one.
• What’s the wildest, craziest thing you’ve ever done? That’s great. You and my grandma would really get along.
• A good girl like you should probably be talking to a nice boy like that one over there.
• If she touches you, hey now, hands off the merchandise. That’ll be $40.
• The book has a bunch more of these…

The author also writes, “This is going to be the most difficult mission of the challenge so far”. But I don’t think so. I think I’ve been doing this in several of my interactions so far by saying girls are the “Mom” of the group or telling them I was hoping they were a yoga instructor. I think this should go well.

This is exactly why I’m doing this website. It’d be so much easier to quit and just let myself down. But if I quit, all the people following this story and cheering me on, would be let down as well. I want to be a doer, a finisher, a closer.

That said, Mission 9 sucks.

Mission Overview
The mission is to approach at least two sets of three or more people of groups that contain both women and men. I don’t want to do this. I’m still not comfortable approaching lone women, much less a group, with dudes. There are a few more notes in this section’s briefing that made an impact. One suggested to stay in a conversation longer than comfortable, even if you run out of things to say. I feel that I should have been doing this. A couple times I ejected a bit too early.

Review Time
Additionally, it’s time to review previous missions, doing things that were missed, or repeating things where more practice is needed.

Therefore, I also need to:

• Do the posture exercise again
• Do to vocal exercise again
• Get my hair styling at my re-scheduled appointment
• Get my clothes tailored
• Get a manicure/pedicure

Lastly, the author writes in the book that the following missions are going to “pick up the pace”. I should be pleased about this considering my grades on the past few missions. We’ll see.

Overview
Mission 6 is all about overcoming AA. Approach anxiety. Before I get into the mission, my take on approach anxiety is that it is something that I will never not have. My goal is to find a way to manage it. As the author Neil Strauss says, “it’s less a fear of approaching than a fear of rejection”.

The book has a briefing that is probably worth the price of the book alone. It goes into theories about personality that affect attitude. Specifically, the limiting mind vs. the freedom mind. It’s several pages that hit home. I strongly suggest reading it.

Field Test
The field test for this mission is to compliment four women. Two can be people you know, two need to be strangers. We’re to avoid general compliments such as “You’re beautiful” or anything sexual such as “You’re hot”. I ended up going for extra credit and doing five, one person I know and four strangers.

Compliment #1: My Hot 23 Year-Old Friend
(For this one I am going to add in a little translation during the conversation just to add a little flavor to it. I don’t always think like this.)
Me: Hey, nice new shirt.
(Translation: You’re so hot. You should leave your boyfriend.)
Her: Thanks! They just got them in at the Gap.
Me: Yeah, it’s kinda cowboy but urban. Cool.
(Translation: Seriously, let’s go to a meeting room and lock the door.)
Her: And look at my boots too. (lifts leg)
Me: Oh nice, the whole outfit really works. Stylish.
(I want it scattered around my floor.)
Her: Thank you! You’ve always had good taste. So, blah blah blah??
Me: Blah blah blah…
(We chat a while about the weekend and remain clothed.)

Compliment #2: Japanese Tourist
(She was alone taking a photo of the Christmas tree in front of Nordstrom at the Grove in LA)
Me: Nice photo, do you want to be in it?
Her: Oh, huh? Oh yes, that nice.
Me: Ok, cool.
Her: Here. Push right here. (smiles)
Me: Ok, right there. Perfect. Smile! (click)
Her: Thank you! (begins to walk away)
Me: Wait a second, check it to see if it’s any good.
Her: (she checks it out for a moment) Yes, very nice.
Me: Oh yeah, that’s cute. So are you a tourist?
Her: Yes, I from Japan.
Me: Oh nice, well have a great trip!
Her: Yes, thank you once again.

Compliment #3: Nordstrom Sales Girl at the Grove in LA
Me: Hi.
Her: Hi, are you looking for anything special today?
Me: No, not really. Just browsing. Hey, that’s a cool nose ring.
Her: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I’ve had it for years but sometimes my friends still say “hey, did you just get that?” I tell them no I’ve had it for about two years now!
Me: You pull it off well, I don’t think a piercing would work for me.
Her: You should get one in the middle of the bottom lip. I think those are cool. Everyone has it to the side but I think it’s cool in the middle.
Me: (Hell no!) Huh, interesting suggestion, I’ll think about it. Have a nice day!
Her: You too, bye.

Compliment #4: Another Sales Girl in LA
Me: (Walking by) Hi, nice nose ring. (smiles)
(Yes, “nice nose ring” is my new line. Apparently I like a slightly rocker chick look. Nobody said it had to be a different compliment.)
Her: Oh…thanks.
Me: Yeah, I like the little subtle sparkle.
Her: Yeah, it’s just a little bling. So what are you shopping for today?
Me: Oh nothing really, just enjoying the weather.
Her: Are you looking for sunglasses?
Me: Not really. Blah blah blah.
Her: Blah blah blah.

Her: It’s too bad you’re leaving today.
Me: Yeah, tell me about it. I try come back frequently.
Her: When are you coming back next?
(Ok, I’m an idiot with women but I’m not COMPLETELY daft. We’ve had touching/laughing/smiling…this is a sure thing.)
Me: I’m not sure, but we should grab a cup of coffee or something. What’s the best way to get a hold of you?
Her: Here’s my number. (writes it down on a receipt I had)
Me: Thanks, is this a mobile phone? (she nods) I’ll send you hourly text messages.
Her: (Laughs)

Can I get a “fuck yeah!”? Seriously. If you’re reading this, say it out loud: “Fuck yeah Devo!” Because we’re in this together. And this one’s worth celebrating. Say it right now. Anyway, back to the story, we chat a bit more and I tell her I should head to the airport. And then she hugged me. Woo! Felt pretty good after this one. She was cute but wore a TON of makeup. Not exactly what I’m looking for but whatever. I’d probably call her if I was actually going to LA again, that was a bit of untruth. Regardless, go me.

Compliment #5: Airport girl
(While waiting for my flight back to Seattle, a young woman sits on the floor next to me. I have my luggage spread across the bench. I forgot to hit the record button in my brain so there are a lot of holes, but I have the highlights at least.)

(She then sends another text saying how we rock for giving a ride and includes her email address asking me to email her.)

Field Test Summary
Now I’m not one to brag and keep track but whatever. After being in a LTR, it’s been YEARS since I’ve been doing this stuff. And back then I was just a student when things are totally different anyway. So I’m allowed a little celebration of the fact that I got TWO numbers, TWO hugs, and a DATE in a single afternoon. These field tests are getting juicier. And obviously, it’s generating results already. I’m liking these confidence building activities as they are doing the job. Mission 7 is next and I have a hunch it’s a big one.

Mission grade: A-

What’s the minus for? Even though it’s not part of the mission, I didn’t do the suggested “get blown off” suggestion. That’s still on my list. But wouldn’t you agree that I completed the rest quite well?

Grooming tasks

• Change hairstyle – Not done
• Get contacts – Done!
• Get a tan – Not done (see website paleisthenewtan.com)
• Get a manicure – Does this matter?
• Remove excess hair – Plucked and manscaped
• Whiten teeth – Not done
• Freshen breath – I’m ok in this area.
• Dermatology advice – Not done
• Accessorize – I’m shopping for a cool watch
• Join a gym – 3 times/week for past two years
• Eat healthier – Been doing this for years
• Make sure your clothes fit – In process

This part of the mission will probably never be completed. These tasks are part of a lifestyle. You could invest a full year in these things and it would pay off. For you guys out there following my missions, or doing them yourselves, I can’t stress enough how important this particular mission is. Sure, you can say “I don’t want to wear/go/do/buy something that isn’t me.” Try each and every one of the steps in the book just to try them. You can always abandon them later…but who knows what will stick or what will come of it? It’s about more than just clothing.

Also, exercise/going to the gym is an especially easy one to skip because it requires so much commitment. (It’s also so easy to find an excuse to skip on a any given day.) Do it anyway. Some things need to be done no matter what the context. I thought I was in shape because I wasn’t fat – not true. Now that I’ve been going to the gym several times per week for two years, plus playing a sport, I can see and feel a huge difference. It naturally became a “borderline obsession” just as Neil Strauss instructs in the book.

Make a Change

This part of the challenge has taken on a life of its own. I’ve already spent about $700 on new clothes from BlueFly.com. (I needed them anyway.) But there’s other stuff brewing that addresses this as well. Thus….

Mission grade: A

It’s a bit premature, but there are things in the works that allow me to pre-emptively give me this grade. I’m gonna do what it takes above and beyond my current primping. However, this stuff is going to take time. I’m moving on to the next mission while doing this in tandem.

(Giggles, jumps, and claps hands)

I kid (mostly). I’ll admit to being one of those guys who likes clothes. I don’t think it’s a superficial thing to want to look good to feel good. And that’s what this mission is all about. Looking better in order to feel better.

The mission – Grooming and style:

• Part 1 – Here Comes the Groom
  This is a grooming exercise where you choose one item on a checklist of tasks to implement. The book has a more complete list and suggestions for accomplishing them, but here are a few:
  • Change hairstyle
  • Get contacts
  • Get a tan
  • Get a manicure
  • Remove excess hair
  • Whiten teeth
  • Freshen breath
  • Dermatology advice
  • Accessorize
  • Join a gym
  • Eat healthier
  • Make sure your clothes fit
• Part 2 – Make a Change
  Here is where I use the store recommendation from Mission 4. The task is to go to a menswear shop for a style consultation. The shop should preferably be a small, independent store, and then speak to a salesperson (who seems helpful) and say that I want to change my style. If possible, avoid large chains. Next, try on the clothes, note the brands, sizes, etc, and feel how it changes you. The author Neil Strauss explicitly points out that the fit is more important than the style. Also, the mission doesn’t require you to actually buy anything, however, I think I’ll make the purchase. Nordstrom/Barney’s will be my back-up plan but I am first going to try a couple small shops in Ballard and Capital Hill that found on Yelp.com.

• Part 3 – Brush Up
  This part is a re-visit of one of the past exercises. Either the vocal exercise, posture, or positive thinking.

Honestly, I’ve been doing the fundamentals of this mission for years now. But I’m committed to completing all of these missions in the book so I will do it just like it says. In fact, I think I’ll do more than just one from the grooming checklist. And then the shopping part will be fun. I trust my own sense of style, but I might as well see what someone else picks out for me.

This one is gonna be easy; I’m excited about it.

This post is completely…well, mostly, unrelated to my project. I just want to make a note of it for historical record to compare both the event and my reaction to it to future events and my reaction. So here’s what happened:

I met my friends at a bar in the next neighborhood. We just ate, drank and chatted. They don’t know about my project. We had a good time. Two of them had flights the next morning so me and the other dude, my closer friend of the bunch, went next door for another drink.

Another drink turned into a few. And at some point, this girl, maybe 24-26 years old, pulled up next to me (on my left) and said, “Can I hang out with you guys?” I said “hi” and my friend was like, “Sure, how’s it going?” She’s like “Good, but my friend had to leave”. And then, well, I don’t really remember what we/she said. It happened a while ago and I’m a bit drunk.

Anyway, we chatted for a long time and, oh yeah, somehow we got talking about yoga and for some reason she unzipped her sweater to show off her cleavage and tank top. Obviously that part would stand out.

(Note: Jimmy Fallon is on and he’s interviewing “Boone” from LOST. Says he is in the final season but can’t say anything about it. Huh. He died. So that’s a teaser for sure. The time thing worked and we’ll be either before the plane crash or if the plane crash didn’t happen.)

ANYWAY…yeah, this girl told me her name and I promptly forgot it. As you can tell, I wasn’t too interested. But between the displaying her breasts, brushing against my leg, and talking to us for SO LONG. (Man, could she TALK, blah blah blah.) I felt like I could have made something happen. At first I was like, what the hell, it could be fun. She’s cute and has nice breasts. But then again, I just wasn’t that interested. At one point I went to the bathroom and as I was getting up she was like, “are you going to smoke?” I was like, “no, bathroom”. She didn’t seem desperate, I don’t mean to portray her as such. We had a nice conversation. She talked on and on about her travels and was funny and engaging. My friend wasn’t interested either. But he had just ran a bunch of miles preparing for a marathon. I am still sticky from not showering for 2 days but that could have been easily remedied. I’ll be completely honest here: I was both attracted and not. I probably could have enjoyed getting physical, but I didn’t WANT it. I thought I would. Maybe I’m wrong and think too highly of myself?

Whatever…this was fun, and a bit of an ego boost to have some random bar girl come hang out with us. It was fun just to hang with my buddies and drink. I did notice on the other side of the bar there was an older woman, in cool black stylish clothing, paying attention to us. She was older but I was digging her. She looked over several times. She was with her husband I think. But she was nice. She looked like…

(Ok, they are playing DJ Hero on Jimmy Fallon. That looks fun.)

I’m gonna wrap this up. I probably could have made something happen, but I didn’t. It turns out I’m not desperate. Also, I’m following rule #1 (and #2).

(Holy shit…Jimmy Fallon ended and Niel Strauss, the author of this whole series of missions (Rules of the Game) is on Last Call with Carson Daly. This is just weird. I have never seen this dude on TV before and he’s on TV after this, while I’m writing this. WTF!? Seriously. So he’s talking a little bit about the game…but now about Rolling Stone. I’m not showering because of this dude I happen to be watching on TV at 1:43 am. This is a trip. I never watch this show. I’ve never read Neil’s stuff. But he’s my professor.

Ok, where was I? So yeah, the older woman at the bar made eye contact with me. Probably because I was making eye contact with her. She was classy. And this young girl was chatting our ears off. My friend was ready to go to sleep and we left. We said our goodbyes. I’m going to post this and clean it up tomorrow.

But seriously, Neil Strauss on TV as I’m writing this?!