Me: Hi
Them: Hi, how’s it going?
Me: Good. So, who’s like, the leader, of your little group here?
Girl 2: What do you mean?
Me: Like, who decided to come here tonight?
Girl 2: None of us.
Girl 3: Yeah.
Girl 1: We’re meeting friends here.

(Gah. This was a poor choice…not the answer I was looking for.)

Me: Usually someone is in charge of small groups like this.

(I’ve now lost girl 2 and 3 who are now talking to each other and ignoring me.)

Girl 1: Not us.
Me: (Talking to Girl 1 alone now) Well, looking at you three I get the sense that she’s the jokester (pointing at girl 3), she’s the trouble-maker (points at girl 2), and you’re like the Mom of the group taking care of everyone and staying out of trouble.
Girl 1: (bursts out laughing)
Girl 1: (To friends) He says I look like the Mom of our group. It’s so TRUE! (laughs)
Girl 2 and 3: (laughs, smiles at me) That is true! (They go back to talking)

(Time out: Ok, that was going HORRIBLY until a complete 180 degree turnaround by calling her the Mom. What’s the deal here?)

Me: I’m Devo by the way.
Her: Hi, I’m Tina.
Me: So Tina, what do you do?
Her: I’m a massage therapist at _______.

(I don’t know why I didn’t use my “wish you were a yoga instructor” line; I should have but I was caught off guard by that. I guess part of me doesn’t want to say the same thing over and over again. But also, a pretty blonde massage therapist?! Wow.)

Me: Is anyone sitting here?
Woman: I’m waiting for my friend but you can move when she gets here.
Me: Ok, thanks.

(My friend and I sit down, with one woman, who looked like a Moroccan version of Rachel Weisz, to me on my left and two girls facing my friend and I on our right.)

Rachel: When you walked by I could totally tell you wanted to talk to me.

(I’m surprised she started talking to me immediately after I sit down, but luckily I can be quick-witted…)

Me: I’m going to translate that to when I walked by YOU totally wanted to talk to ME. And that’s cool.
Rachel: Ha ha ha!

(We exchange a few pleasantries about what she does, living in Seattle, and the bar we’re in. She’s flirty and I play along.)

Rachel: So do you come here a lot?
Me: “Do you come here a lot”? That’s the oldest pick-up line in the book! You gotta play it cool. (smile)
Rachel: (laughs) Right…How old are you anyway?
Me: (touching her arm lightly) A woman never tells her age.
Rachel: (grabs my arm) You’re not a woman!
Me: Well you ASSUME I’m not. But I’ll tell you this much. I’m old enough to have a good career and young enough to still have fun. How old are you?
Rachel: I have a 14 year-old kid…
Me: Oh cool, how many grandkids? (smile and wink)
Rachel: Oh fuck you! (smiles and flicks me off)
Me: Wow, a milf who swears like a sailor! You oughta do well here tonight but I better stay far away. (smiles)

(Oops, did I go out of line there? That was a BIT bold calling her a milf…)

Rachel: (Laughs, loudly) (Pause, flirtatious smile) So…have you been upstairs?

(Guess it was ok…)

Me: Yeah, it’s cool.
Rachel: What is it, like a dance floor?
Me: No. It’s a petting zoo. There’s a couple donkeys and pigs there, it’s fun.
Rachel: (laughs, loudly again) You’re funny.
Me: Thanks. (Pause) So you look somewhat fashionable, perhaps you can settle a debate my friend Andy, right here, we’re having. Is khaki, like khaki pants, a color or a fabric?
Rachel: This is what you guys talk about?
Me: Well, we were talking to these four frat guys all wearing the same pants and were wondering. This is Andy by the way.
Rachel: Nice to meet you.
Andy: Nice to meet you too, what are we talking about?
Rachel: Your friend is telling me about your khaki conversation.
Andy: (blank stare)
Rachel: I think it’s both. Perhaps you should ask them? (points at the girls on Andy’s right, they’ve been watching us, this woman has a loud laugh.)

(One girl looks like Anna Faris. Pretty, approaching gorgeous if you just count the eyes. Very sexy eyes. But trying too hard overall. Fake blond hair and WAY too much makeup.)

Me: Good idea, Andy, ask them if khaki, like khaki pants, is a color or a fabric.
Andy: (He trusts me and plays along) Hey guys, these two are asking if you think khaki is a color or a fabric?

(Anna and Friend smile and give us a tilted glance, clearly intrigued.)

Anna and Friend: Uh…what?
Me: You know, khaki like khaki pants. Is it a color or a fabric?
Anna: I think it’s a color.
Me: No, no, no. There’s all sorts of color of khaki pants. Green khaki, brown khaki, beige khaki.
Anna: Oh, you’re right. Maybe both then?
Me: Yeah, that’s what we’re leaning towards too. I’m Devo by the way. This is my friend Andy. And this is my other friend…uh, what was your name again?
Rachel: Hi, I’m Rachel.
Them: Nice to meet you.

(Andy then talks to the new girls, I continue talking with Rachel. Then Rachel’s friend arrives, we do introductions, and she updates her on what we’ve all been discussing. While she is catching up with her friend, I turn to join my friend and the new girls.)

Anna: Any more fashion questions?
Me: No, you settled the debate, thanks. (smile)

(My friend whispers to me that Anna has a boyfriend and we should go next door. I say ok, but first…)

Me: So what do you guys do besides intervening in bar room debates?
Friend: I work at an insurance company.
Anna: I’m in Marketing.
Me: Oh, that’s too bad. I was hoping you were going to say yoga instructor. Oh well, plenty of girls in here for me. (smile)

(Looks at me for a moment, then smiles and laughs. My friend starts talking to her friend. She then responds…)

Anna: Sorry to disappoint you.
Me: I’ll get by. So my buddy and I have to go meet some friends next door soon. But can I ask you some dating advice?
Anna: (smiles) Sure!
Me: So I met this girl at the Minneapolis airport. It was on a train platform, Christmas Eve. She was going to Seattle, I was going to Minneapolis, we were swapping cities.

(She is absolutely captivated. I’m shocked…though I shouldn’t be. These girls were just sitting there, doing nothing. A box of Kleenex would have been entertaining.)

Me: So we had a great conversation on the train, I think things are going well. But then, her stop comes and I don’t have time to get her phone or email or anything. I just say, “nice to meet you” and she gets off.

(She nods, I still have her.)

Me: I’m kicking myself. She was super cute and fun. But…I have her first name, school, and department. Do you think I should track her down?
Anna: Like, how?
Me: Maybe email her department and say that we got cut off and I’ll ask them to forward her my message?
Anna: Oh, yes, I think you should do that. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Me: Ok, good. I’m glad you said that…because that’s exactly what I did.
Anna: (laughs) And?!?!
Me: Settle down! (smile) So yeah, I sent a message to her school, and sure enough, a couple days later I got an email from her.
Anna: (excitedly) Ohhh! She likes you!
Me: Just wait, the story gets even better…

(At this point my friend clearly wants to go next door. We’re supposed to meet his current/ex-girlfriend and her friend. I’m going to have to talk to him about this. But if she does have a boyfriend, it’s better we go. Plus, while hot, this isn’t the type of girl I see myself with. Sure I would gladly have done who knows what with her…but for some reason, I didn’t feel like I was passing up on anything by leaving.)

Me: We’ve got to meet some friends next door, if you want to hear the rest of the story, head over there.
Anna: I’d like to but we’re meeting our boyfriends here soon.
Me: (Of course…nobody is single here…) Cool. See ya later!
Anna: Bye!

(Then I go say goodbye to Rachel as well.)

Me: Hey guys, that song sounds so familiar…what is it?
Dude 1: (In an effeminate voice) It’s “blah blah” by the blahs.
Me: Oh…how does it go again?
Dudes 1 and 2: (singing loudly, holding hands now) La la la la! La la!

(Hot girl smiles and walks away.)

Me: (Awww, crap.)

Dudes 1 and 2: (Continue singing…others at bar now start to look)
Me: You guys sing that very well, great duet.
Dude 2: Well THANK youuuuu.

(Abort! Abort! Abort!)

Me: Hi, do you guys know if (restaurant name) is this way?
Dude: Oh yeah, just take left down that ramp there.
Me: Thanks, have you guys been there?
Girl 1: We tried earlier, but it was busy.
Me: Yeah, I had no idea Bellevue was this lively. It’s fun.
Girl 1: It’s changed in the last year. These places didn’t even exist before then.
Me: I’m Devo by the way.

(We all shake hands and exchange names.)

Me: You guys going to head there too?
Dude: No, we just had dinner and we’re heading home (nods head towards arriving car).

(Car pulls up)

The Ex: Again, you do look really good tonight. Isn’t it nice being stopped in the street to be told they like your jacket? (Cheers Maria.)
Me: Yeah, that was cool. I had to get some new stuff for the single life!
The Ex: Blah blah blah blah. You’ve been getting comfortable in places like this. Blah blah. (Something about looking and acting differently. She was getting drunk and flirty. Checking out the women in the bar…) So how about those two over there?
Me: Not my type. But that older woman back there is seriously giving me the eye.
The Ex: What?! The one with that guy?
Me: Yeah, with the lumberjack dude. Maybe she wants a threesome?
The Ex: (laughing) Ewwww! They’re old!
Me: Hey! They could do worse! How about that dude there?
The Ex: Not bad.
Me: See how many hot guys are in Seattle? You don’t need someone far away. In fact, I’m going to the bathroom. I BET you get hit on while I’m gone.
The Ex: (laughs)

(I come back from the bathroom. And yep, there’s a dude chatting to her.)

Me: Hey man! (smiles)
Him: Oh, hi.
Me: How’s it going? I like your hat. Are you with the Santa pub crawl thing?
Him: Yeah, we started down at (some place) and came here. We do this every year.
Me: That sounds like SO much fun. I want to try that. Looks like you guys are having a good time.
Him: Yeah, it is fun. (He backs away.)
The Ex: Ok, you were right. And I think you scared him away.
Me: I didn’t mean to. Did you like him?
Her: No, not really.
Me: Ok, do you see those two? Here’s my guess about them: Since she looks sad, maybe her boyfriend just dumped her…and that’s her gay friend taking her out on the town to make her feel better.
Her: She is so not your type. Totally wrong for you.

(Jealous much? The girl was smokin’. But the ex did have a point. The girl had a “bitchy” high maintenance look to her. Probably not a match.)

Her: This is fun.

(At this point she starts playing with my hair and kissing me. We make out a bit. I’m sure the bartender appreciated watching that. Please note, no matter what this looks like, we are NOT compatible. Too long together and both happier separate. We’re both just drunk and playful. There’s no pressure to try make it work. I’m sure this has happened to others.)

Her: Let’s go drink more.
Me: (Sheesh!) Ok, let’s try next door.

(We go next door, there’s a band finishing playing, it’s about 1:30 am. I’ve got missions to do so I lead the ex to the bar where there’s a stylish-looking dude sitting alone.)

Me: Hey man. (smiles) Have you met _____ [my ex's name]?
Him: Huh? Oh hey, (looks her over…sold I can see.) I’m _____. Nice to meet you.
Me: I’ll be right back.

(I leave. There was a blonde sitting alone whom I noticed on the way in. I walk up beside her and try a @Wayne_Elise line.)

Me: Hi.
Her: Hi.
Me: How are you?
Her: Fine. (pauses) How are you?
Me: I’m an 8.
Her: (smile and doesn’t miss a beat) Like out of 10?
Me: Yeah, maybe even 8.5. This is fun.
Her: (chuckles) That’s good.
Me: So I have to get back to my friends at the bar, (there’s my time constraint) but since you look fairly stylish, I wonder if you can settle something for us.
Her: I…
Me: (I interrupt.) Wait, do you know anything about fashion?
Her: Um yeah, I’m a woman.
Me: Well then. Khaki. Is is a color or a fabric?

(Note: I’ve used this before but I can’t take credit for it. A friend told me this. Last time, I used it during an awkward silence and a girl commented, “Wow, that’s random”. Time test it out.)

Her: Umm…it’s a color.
Me: Really? I don’t think so. Because there’s green khaki, brown khaki. Many different colors. You see, we saw these four frat guys all wearing the same khaki pants and we wondered this.
Her: Ok, well, I think khaki the color came first and those other pants just got named that. So it’s both.

(Good answer. At this point a dude walks by and looks at her.)

Me: Was that your boyfriend?
Her: No, he’s just in the band.

(Hmmm…something in not registering here, not sure what yet.)

Me: So these frat guys were also wearing those braided-leather bracelets. Do you think those are cool or are a bit gay?
Her: I think they’re cool.
Me: Me too, kind of. But I’ve been getting hit on by gay dudes enough lately. I don’t need to wear things that encourage that.
Her: You get hit on by gay dudes?
Me: Yeah, recently.
Her: Well, take it as a compliment. You don’t give off that vibe.
Me: Ok, thanks.
Us: blah blah blah (We chat about random stuff.)

(Same dude walks by again, gives me the evil eye.)

Me: He doesn’t look happy, do you know him?
Her: (sighs) Yeah…

(*Poof* She’s gone. She gets up and chases him backstage without saying a word.)

(So yeah, that ended abruptly. Obviously there was something going on there. Whatever. I head back to the bar where my ex is STILL talking to the dude. The three of us chat a while. She’s informed him of our situation. He’s actually really cool and asks me how it went with blondie. I told him “I think she’s with one of the band members. Oh well.” I order a drink and try pay with a credit card.)

Bartender: We have an $8 minimum charge for credit cards.
Me: Oh, ok, I’ll take two beers then.

(Not thinking this through and now I’m feeling like a third wheel, the ex and the dude had ordered drinks and are actually talking and getting along. I knew the long distance thing was a bad idea for her. But now I’m alone with two drinks.)

(I turn around, and what-do-you-know, a new girl had appeared from nowhere. I ignore everything in the book or these lines and make up my own new spin on the clichéd “can I buy you a drink” line. It’s the “I already bought a drink, will you drink it?” line.)

Me: Hi. (Smiles)
Her: Hi. (Smiles)
Me: So I had to buy two drinks because of the minimum charge. (Rooted reason for approaching, check.) Would you like a beer?
Her: Uh, really?
Me: Yeah, really. I shouldn’t drink it.
Her: Ok, thanks!
Me: So I should get back to my friends here (time constraint, check!) but would you like to hear something totally bizarre?
Her: (Intrigued) Yes!
Me: See those two there. That’s my ex. She’s just starting a long-term relationship. I think it’s a terrible idea so I introduced her to that dude at the bar.
Her: Really? (laughs) That’s really funny.

(We then continue to have a nice chat. It turns out she’s married to one of the band members and they were from a small town in Washington in town for the big “gig in the city”. I didn’t ask about the blonde and her friend from earlier. We ended up getting along very well even though she wasn’t really my type, i.e. “married” among other things. But it was fun. Our laughing attracted the attention of a couple other dudes who stopped by to say hi assuming we knew the band. One dude was promoting his independent film he made. He said Sundance turned him down. I think he was serious.)

Bartender: Closing! Leave!
Me: I guess that’s our cue. It was nice meeting you.
Her: It was nice meeting you. Can I call you about that thing we talked about?
Me: Uhhh, ok. (I write down my number on paper she just produced.)
Her: Here’s my number and email.
Me: Ok, thanks. Good luck at ____!

Friend: You doing any online dating?
Me: No, not yet. I’ve mainly been going to bars and parties.
Friend: Having any luck?
Me: Well, I’ve met a lot of people that way, it’s been fun.
Other friend: I can’t imagine trying to meet people in bars.
Me: Well, it’s tough, but I’ve got a little strategy.
Another friend: You should hear it, he’s got this whole thing.
Friend: What thing?
Me: Ah, just a way of trying to talk to girls in bars without being like everyone else. I’ll tell you about it sometime.

(I didn’t think they were going to let it go but they did. However, this was enough to get me in trouble later on in the evening.)

(Later on, someone got a call from another friend telling us to come to a nearby bar. These guys NEVER go out but tonight they didn’t have to be with their wives/kids/girlfriends, were a little drunk, and therefore eager to hit the town. Last time we got together it ended at 10:00 pm. Not tonight as at 11:30 or so the seven of us head out to the bar.

(After arriving at the bar and getting drinks, of course they start scoping people out. There are not many girls there. There were a few though…)

Friend: Ok, Devo, so those three right there, how would you talk to them? Go ask to buy them a drink?
Me: No, look, they already have full drinks. I’d try “fly in under the radar”. (I quote my words.) Every guy asks to buy them drinks.
Other friend: Go do it. Show us what you’d do. Other friend: Go Devo! Let’s see it!
Friend: Yeah, the one in the gray. She’s hot!

(And she was. She was my type. Beautiful brown eyes, in shape, mid-to-late 20′s, stylish gray blazer, form-fitting jeans, brunette, cute-but-sexy girl next door looks. Wow. Arguably the most attractive girl in the room, at least in my opinion. And get this, she has a nose ring. The shiny little dot type that I love for some reason. My friends wouldn’t let it go.)

Friends: Go do it man, you’ve got nothing to lose!

(“Oh shit”, I thought. Now I’m in a TOUGH situation. We’ve entered a world of jungle rules now; I’ve been challenged. I either man up and go talk to them or I lose all respect. Plus, it’s actually my mission to do this. I have NO choice. Even though I am NOT feeling good about this, I rapidly realize I will feel worse if I don’t do it. Three girls. THREE! In a full bar, full of dudes, with 5-6 of my friends watching from mere feet away. Oh shit is right. Doing this was more difficult for me than I can accurately communicate. I go in sheepishly…)

Me: (Walking by, over my shoulder) Hi.
Them: (Nothing. They continue talking to each other.)
Me: (Crap, they either didn’t hear me, or are ignoring me. Louder this time, I say.) How’s it going? (I smile.)
Them: (Eying me dubiously, one says…) Good.
Me: (I’m nearly losing it here. That wasn’t smooth, everyone is watching, what the hell have I gotten into?! My friends’ eyes are burning into the back of my skull. Must. Not. Choke. I say…) I have to get back to my friends, but we’re debating something and I need a female opinion.
Them: (Body language noticeably relaxes, they actually lean in to hear me better.)

(Since I didn’t have time to think this through, I fall back to the question I used last weekend in Mission 6.)

Me: My friend over there (I point) is going on a second date with this girl. He wants to take her on a helicopter ride over the Space Needle. What do you think?
Girl 1 (my target, btw): A second date? Oh no.
Girl 2: Yeah, that’s too much.
Girl 3: That’s something you’d do on an anniversary or something, not a second date.

(Hello!? Seriously, where were these answers last weekend? Everyone wanted a helicopter ride last weekend. But these three are different, more intelligent, I sense. And even though I am supposed to disagree, I say…)

Me: Yes, finally, common sense! I’ve been telling him this but the other girls we’ve asked have said it’s a good idea. I think he’s crazy.
Them: (They’re still on guard a bit and wait to see what’s next.)

(Stay with me here, I actually have a plan.)

Me: So which one of you three is the leader?
Them: (Looking at each other) Huh?
Me: You know, which one of you decided to come here tonight? (I point to each and smile.)
Girl 2: None of us, it was mutual.
Girl 1: Yeah.
Me: (Not the answer I wanted, but I plow ahead.) Well, you two seem like the trouble-makers (points at girl 2 and 3), and you (pointing at my target) seem like the Mother of the group, the safe one keeping them in line.
Girl 2 and 3: (Laughing)
Girl 1: What?! No, no no, I’m so not! I’m usually the one that blah blah blah!

(Whoa, it worked. She’s selling herself to me that she’s not the boring one. I laugh along with girl 2 and 3 at her.)

Me: Ok, ok. (Back to girl 2 and 3) My name is Devo, by the way. What’s your names?
Them: (saying names, shaking hands)
Girl 2: (Grabs girl 3 and says) We’re domestic partners.
Me: (Huh?) I see. Do you use the same toothpaste?
Girl 2 and 3: (look at each other and laugh) Yeah, I guess we do.
Me: Yeah, you seem to know each other well, you have to look at each other before answering, it’s cute.
Girl 3: We’re not actually a couple though.
Me: I see, roommates then?
Girl 2: Yeah, so can you stand on one leg? (she demonstrates) I want to see how sober you are.

(Qualifying me, eh? I’m not that drunk…I’ll show you.)

Me: Ha! Ok… (I stand on one leg) I’ll do you one better… (I transition into a flawless tree pose) Tree pose. Aaaauuummm.
Them: (Laughing)

(Take that!)

(This is actually going well, I’m relaxed. I have a theory. A group of three girls come to a place like this for a reason, they WANT to socialize. So when some dude comes up in a non-threatening way, and entertains them, of course that is going to work.)

Me to Girl 1, my target: So what do you do?
Her: Oh, I work at ______ as a _____. I just graduated with a master’s.
Me: Oh, that’s a shame, I was hoping you were a yoga instructor.
Her: (laughs) Oh, nope sorry!
Me: Seriously though, that’s a cool job I’d like to hear more. Is that a nose ring?
Her: Yeah. (Turns head so I can see it better)
Me: That’s cool. I like the shiny little dot nose piercings for some reason.
Her: (Smiles)

(At this point, I notice girl 3′s gaze start to wander, back to them…)

Me: (To other girls) And you two?
Girl 2: I’m a _____ at blah blah blah.
Girl 3: I work at ______ doing blah blah blah.
Girl 2: What do you do, Devo?

(Thanks for asking!)

Me: I’m a cigarette lighter repairman.
Them: (confused)
Girl 2: So you repair…um…
Me: (I smile jokingly at Girl 1.)
Girl 1: Oh you’re joking! (laughs and smiles)
Others: (laughs)
Me: Seriously though, I’m a web designer. I love having a creative outlet.
Them: Blah blah blah!

(We chat about things some more, what they do, that part of the city, where we’re from, etc. It was going very well. What I do next is one of the ballsiest things I do yet. Someone in college once told me to try this. I have no idea what I was thinking…but I was now having fun, in the zone.)

Me: Hey, do you guys want to see a magic trick?
Them: (more enthusiastically than I expected) YES!!

(Here goes. I’ve been oblivious to anything else happening in the bar or with my friends. I am focused on them.)

Me: Ok, Everyone close, no cover, your eyes with your hand, and count to 5.
Them: What are you going to do?
Me: Just a quick trick, it’s fun. Cover your eyes to on the count of three.
Them: Uh…ok…

(They comply and are not looking.)

Me: (I pull girl number 1 by the shoulders away from her friends around to the end of the bar behind some other people. She let’s me do this and opens her eyes.)

Me: (I’m now leaning back against the bar with relaxed body language) I just made you disappear. (I smile.)
Girl 1: (Laughs)
Girl 2 and 3: (We see them look at each other and around.)
Girl 1: (Peeks over) He made me disappear! (laughs)
Girl 2 and 3: (They laugh, giggle actually, and follow us.)

Her: So how long have you lived here?
Me: Oh, about blah blah blah.
Her: Blah blah blah.
Me: So you just graduated? What do you like most about your job?
Her: Yeah, I graduated in ____, I really enjoy blah blah blah. (I couldn’t focus, I was in awe of what was happening. She said something about “helping people and making a difference in their lives” but longer and more drawn out.)

(I lean in and gently touch her waist while speaking more closely…)

Me: So many people these days are all about finding a job to make the most money and not about making a difference. It’s great that you can, I find that very attractive.

(Something clicks, her eyes dilate or something. She’s enchanted, I’m enchanted. I wanted to make out with her right there. She smiles. We have a moment.)

Her: Yes, it’s important to me.
Me: Blah blah blah. (I’m in a trance. She has perfect eyes. This is someone I could fall for.)
Her: Blah blah blah.
Me: Blah blah.

(We have a nice conversation, getting to know one another. Where we’re from, age, etc. She’s smart, friendly, happy, beautiful, like I said…this is someone I want.)

(At this point, my back is against the bar so I can see my friends. They are pointing at their watches as we’re supposed to be at the next place. But I continue chatting with this girl.)

Me: You know what, I’m getting told by my friends it’s time to leave but I really, enjoy talking to you. How can we continue this conversation?
Her: (smiles, says immediately) Call me.

(Oh hell yeah!)

Me: (I pull out my phone and have her enter the number.) While you’re at it, give me your email address too.
Her: Ok!

(And then, it happens…)

Her: You should know…I have a pretty serious boyfriend. We just bought a house together.

(Nooooooooo!! Not again! Arrrrgggghhhhh!!! Seriously, come on. We HAD something. Why didn’t this come up sooner?! I play it cool. Hat tip to Holy Joe again.)

Me: Oh, you have a boyfriend, so do I, we should introduce them and they can go shopping while we hang out.
Her: (Looks at me oddly) Wait, do you really have a boyfriend?
Me: Many. But none in the romantic sense. (I smile and go to shake her hand)
Her: (She takes my hand and pulls me closer.) *Hugs*
Me: It was great to meet you. I’ll be in touch, bye. (Smiles)
Her: Bye!

Me: Hi. (smiles)
Her: Hi. (smiles)
Me: So I need a female opinion.
Her: (tilts head) Ok…
Me: My friend is going on a second date with this girl. He wants to take her on a helicopter ride around the Space Needle? What do you think of that idea?
Her: That’s cool. It sounds fun.

(Surprise, surprise.)

Me: What? It’s a second date? They just met for coffee before.
Her: It’s different.
Me: Yeah, but it’s quite a big gesture isn’t it?
Her: Yeah, it is. But it’s a good crazy.

Me: Hi. (My voice felt WEAK.)
Her: Hi. (Eyes me dubiously. I get the feeling she’s been hit on all night.)
Me: I need a female opinion on something. Just waiting for my friend in the bathroom…
Her: (Quirky smile, what a cutie…) Yes?
Me: My…uh, friend (I’m nervous here so I stuttered) is going on a second date with some girl and wants to take her on a helicopter ride around the Space Needle.
Her: Oh, I think that’s a good date. (expressionless)
Me: Really? I told him he’s crazy. If he does that for this date, what’s next? Isn’t it over-the-top?
Her: That isn’t something I have ever had the chance to do. I would be impressed.

(Side note: Ok, men and women universally disagree on this topic. No man is going to think a helicopter date is a good idea for date #2.)

Me: They just met for coffee and now he’s doing this. I think it sends the wrong signal. Too much.
Her: I’ve never had a chance to do something like that.

(Oh crap…I haven’t thought this through. Now what?)

Me: My name is Devo, what’s your name?
Her: I’m ____. (shakes hands)
Me: Are you from Seattle?
Her: Lake Chelan.
Me: Oh, that’s so pretty there.

(Buzz! Boring conversation alert! Help! She’s not really helping…I should just bail if I can’t think of anything.)

Me: I’m from Seattle.

(Then her boyfriend, I think…but it didn’t look like they made a good couple, came out of the bathroom. I felt tension in the air so I excused myself.)

Me: Hi! (smile)
Both: (looking uncomfortable) Hello. (The one on the right (Woman #2) smiled.)
Me: I’m looking to get a female opinion on something my friend is doing.
Woman 2: What’s that?
Me: My friend is going on a second date with this girl. He wants to take her on a helicoper ride around the Space Needle. What do you guys think of that idea?
Woman 2: That would be amazing! (smiles)
Woman 1: Yes, good idea. (straight face)

(ok, it’s unanimous. 4 out of 4 women want a helicopter ride around the Space Needle. I should mention here that it’s Holy Joe who suggested this line for me when I was in LA. It served me well. I’m ready for a new one but this line, combined with looking SHARP from the style change, allowed me to do these approaches. Anyway, back to the interaction…)

Me: So who’s idea was it to come here tonight?
Woman 2: (points) Her idea.
Me: Oh yeah, how’d you choose this place?
Woman 1: We heard about it from a friend.
Woman 2: Yes, good music here!

(My guess is that these two are co-workers. I feel in control as I don’t think they’ve been talking to anybody. I find woman 2 more attractive as well as interactive. So I use this opportunity to move around to her side of the table.)

Me: You have a lovely accent. Where are you from?
Woman 2: (smiles) Thank you. I’m from Columbia.
Me: How nice. Me llamo Devo, hola. (shakes hands)
Woman 2: (laughs) Hola, nice to meet you.
Me: So what do you guys do?

Me: Hey, we need a female opinion on this.
Her: (Looks over, relieved to be talking to someone/anyone, I think.)
Me: Ok, my friend is going out on a second date with a girl. He wants to take her on a helicopter ride around the Space Needle. What do you think?
Her: (Seriously contemplates this for a moment) I think that sounds like a great idea!
Me: Really? On a second date? Isn’t that a bit over-the-top?
Her: (enthusiastically) Well, um, it depends. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah! Blah blahing blah blah blah blahing blah blah? (Doesn’t wait for answer.) Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah!

(Honestly, I mentally checked out here for a moment. Wow, floodgates opened. Just when I was commenting how much more closely I’ve been listening too.)

Me: But it’s just a second date, they only just met. Isn’t that showing a bit too much interest and puts a lot of pressure on the date?
Her: Ok, well maybe. But it’s different and she’ll remember it. I think that’s what you need these days to stand out these days. I would like it if it were me. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah.

(She. Can. Talk. I’m not sure if my friend is into her or not. I should have poked him. The girl was fairly attractive, nice body. I found it interesting how much more intimidating she looked BEFORE we started talking to her.)

My Friend: It’s also expensive, what if she’s not worth it?
Her: Blah blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah!

(Another girl bumps into me from behind while having her photo taken. I’ve met her before at other parties.)

Her: (Still going on about making an impression) Blah blah blah blah. And blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah.
My friend: Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah.
Her: Blah blahing blah blah. Blah blahing blah blah.

(It gets a little fuzzy here but we chat about these things, she sits me down and gives me glasses to try on. Then later on…)

Me: So you have a lovely accent, where are you from?
Her: Guess.
Me: Um…Italy?
Her: No, close though.
Me: Holland? Her: No. Me: Spain? Her: Nope, keep going! Me: Croatia? Estonia?
Her: No!
Me: (touching her arm slightly) You realize I have the continent memorized, I will get it eventually.
Her: (laughs) You were close before, France.
Me: Oh. You must have lived here a while.
Her: Yeah, 2 years now. Are you from here?
Me: No, I’m from Seattle.
Her: Oh Seattle is nice. I’ve been there.
(I’m seated and notice her legs bumping into mine as she arranges things.)
Me: Yeah, there’s a lot I like about it. Where did you go?
Her: Blah blah blah.
Me: Blah blah blah

(Ok, there’s a big section of missing conversation in my head here. We were chatting about random Seattle/LA/things, my travel plans, etc)

Me: Hi. Here, you can sit on a chair, I’m hogging the whole bench.
Her: Oh, that’s sweet. But I’m ok on the floor, been sitting for 12 hours.
Me: Oh yeah? Where’d you come from?
Her: Australia, heading back home.
Me: Australia, wow. Where’s home?
Her: Seattle.
Me: Oh, we must be on the same flight.

(We both go back to our phones for a while.)

Her: Gah! This stupid keyboard. (on some Blackberry or something)
Me: Oh, yeah. You know they make those in iPhone versions (pointing to my iPhone).
Her: Yeah, yeah, you iPhone people. So smug (winks).
Me: Oh, so you’re one of THOSE eh? Trust me, you’ll be switching to an iPhone shortly.
Her: (She said something clever and witty here that I was NOT expecting. I just can’t remember.)
Me: (laughs) So where in Seattle do you live?
Her: I live in ____________ near ____________ and I work in __________.
Me: Oh yeah? I used to live right around the corner. Where do you work?
Her: It’s called ___________.
Me: No way?! I worked there for many years.
Her: Oh yeah? Blah blah blah?

(We chat about that place a while. Joking about things. Also found that we have some commonalities with our backgrounds and friends.)

Me: So how about you, what were you doing in Australia?
Her: Blah blah blah!
Me: You’re remarkably coherent considering you just got off a 14 hour plane ride? I’d be dead by now.
Her: You should see me normally.

(She tells me about her trip adventures and it sounded fun. Good story teller. She then says something about needing to arrange her ride. I don’t know why I did what I next did.)

Me: Do you want a ride? My friend is picking me up and we’ll be going right by where you live, it’s totally on the way.
Her:That’s so nice! You sure you’re friend is ok with that?
Me: Oh yeah, I’m very charitable with his generousity. He’ll be fine.
Her: Wow, thank you! So what were you doing in LA?
Me: I was hanging out with friends in Palm Springs and LA. It was a blast.
Her: What you guys do?
Me: Mostly we ______. And partied a bit as well. Palm Springs is funny. It’s 40% retirees and 40% gay men. I got hit on a lot.
Her: (laughs) Maybe you should switch teams?
Me: Yeah, I guess so. It would be easy. (smiles) I did spend today doing manly things like shopping in Beverly Hills and having salad for lunch. The testosterone was oozing from me.
Her: (laughs) A woman likes a guy who can take care of himself.
Her: So let me get your number to thank you for the ride.

(Screeeeeech! Hold on, what’s happening here? I hear this and I think back to my phone mission where you give people any reason, even if it doesn’t make sense, and they cooperate. And of course, what do I do next?)

Me: Sure, it’s 206-XXX-XXXX. (She enters it in her phone and complains about the keypad again.) iPhone (wink).

(My phone then goes off…she sent a funny text message introducing herself again. Is she gaming me? We then continue chatting a while. Nothing like waiting for a plane to inspire conversation. Next, she asks this…)

Her: Do you want to go for a drink while we wait?

(I don’t know if you’re keeping track here folks but I’m getting signals she might be interested in me. Ya know, the whole phone number, texting, and asking for a date on the spot.)

Me: Let’s do it.

(We then go to a restaurant in the airport and order some food and drinks. Blah blah blah. It was fun. I thought the conversation went well. Then before we left…)

Her: I think our plane started boarding 10 minutes ago. But this was fun with you. (smiles with eye contact)
Me: Yeah, it was. Blah blah.

(We chat a bit more and then go board the plane. I send a text joking about the plane and she plays along. Flight goes well enough and we get our bags. We meet my friend outside and have a fun conversation in the car with everyone. We drop her off and I get her luggage from the trunk.)

Her: Thank you SO much for the ride. You guys rock.
My friend: You’re welcome, I think I’ll let Devo walk from here.
Her: (laughs) It was nice to meet you. (they shake hands)
Me: (Going to shake hands) Yeah, nice to meet you. Say hi to ____ at work.

(She then hugs me and says.)

Her: Great to meet you Devo, I will call you next week about ______ (something we talked about).
Me: Cool, good night!

(My friend and I get back in the car.)

My friend: Dude, she’s way into you.
Me: I know.
My friend: What are you going to do?
Me: I don’t know.

Me: (Just coming back inside) Hey.
Her: Hey.
Me: Wear a jacket if you go out there.
Her: (snicker) Ok, I will.
Me: Hey, nice shoes. (Points at her bare feet) Where’d you get those?
Her: (laughs) (Awkward silence) What’s your name?
Me: I’m (real name). You?
Her: Emma.
Me: So your dress is cool, very 60′s mid-century modern. Seriously, where do you shop?
Her: Oh, all over. This is from _____ (Can’t rememember) on Capital Hill.
Me: Do you know of any cool menswear stores on Capital Hill?
Her: Yeah, Red ____ (something). It’s like this though, classic, not like what you’re wearing.
Me: …
Her: …

(I’ve totally forgotten what we were talking about here. Polite small talk…I don’t think it was very exciting. She was nice though. Anyway, after a while, her gay friend who was in a group I was talking with earlier comes over.)