And that’s what it’s about: Progress.

I would have loved a number, a date, a kiss, whatever. But that’s not how I should judge things. Prior to this weekend, I was not approaching women, cold, without any excuse. I did that this weekend, 3 times, in singles bars. That’s TOUGH. That’s not something I have experience/practice with after being in a LTR for so many years. I’ve Mission 8, and already I can see I need more than just an “opener”. Sure, that got me interacting, but then what? I hit a wall a few times. I’m going to experiment. Perhaps another would lead more naturally into conversation or other interaction? Maria suggested “What do you think of those leather bracelets that men wear? Is that sexy or gay?” and the Stylelife Challenge has a few like “Do you believe in spells” that can carry a conversation into other types interactions if executed well. I’m also developing my own that I will put to the test.

And finally, just to remind myself that although I’ve made significant progress, I still have a ways to go, I’ll end this post with the most overt sexual interaction I had all weekend…

(To kill some time before bringing Maria to the airport, we hop into a bar between downtown Seattle and Capital Hill. Maria and I had just ordered drinks. A big, muscled-out, frat-boy looking dude looks over at us.)

(He continued hitting on me and I’m not sure I ever convinced him otherwise. But Maria and I actually had a nice time with this group of people in the bar at 4 pm on a Sunday afternoon. Also, perhaps I should learn something my pursuer? Rejection didn’t phase him. I get a no and I am done. Not this guy. And that’s a TOUGH sell.

Summary
Overall, success followed me this weekend. I personally thank Maria for her help. Now I’m stylish, with better habits, and feel good about my new direction. I can pamper myslef, take care of my skin, smell good, and look cool. I would recommend her to other single males in my situation. She’s brutally honest and does not beat around the bush. And that’s what us guys need. Subtle suggestion doesn’t work. Tell us what and tell us why. Directly. I’m feeling good about my direction; I’m on the right path. It’s going to happen for me so long as I keep going, it’s just a matter of time. I earned these grades:

Mission 5 grade: A+ (Extra credit bump)
Mission 7 grade: A

Next up: Mission 8.

Wardrobe review
It all started by going through my current wardrobe and getting rid of things that I don’t wear, don’t like, Maria REALLY doesn’t like (or doesn’t understand why I own it) and/or don’t fit. Apparently some people cry during this process. I withheld my tears. Here’s the pile being sold/donated.

Shopping list
Next, Maria presented a list of 15 “basics” and other things the modern man needs. Upon initial glance, I thought I had many already. But after the above wardrobe review, I felt lucky to have 3 checked off. (Note: Maria insists I only had one checked off. As shopping progressed, she was right.)

Facial
“If you can’t pamper yourself, how can you pamper a woman?” That’s the justification Maria gave me for needing a facial. That and a deep cleansing I suppose. And like many guys, I imagined a barber chair, facemask, and cucumbers on my eyes. Not the case. I arrived at the Gene Juarez Spa and was led into a locker room, of sorts. They instructed me to change into a robe and shorts. Then in another room a big bowl of warm soapy water was placed before me to soak my feet in. After that, they took me to another room where they did all sorts of things. I was trying to keep track of both the reasons for dipping my hands in hot wax (Maria says this is called paraffin.) along with the seven different substances they used on me that all had names like, Hydroximultienzymatic Thermium Exfoliation Hadron Accelerator Toner. But I couldn’t. Instead, I just went with it and relaxed. I actually liked it. Shhh…don’t tell anyone.

Manicure/Pedicure
This was also on the to-do list but it was a busy weekend. It’s my homework to go have a mani-pedi somewhere. I intend to try it.

Hair styling
This was one of the most pleasant and positive portions of the style change. I was ready to alter my hair color. But two beautiful women (a stylist and color consultant) took turns combing their fingers through my hair telling my how nice and thick it is and how the color shouldn’t be changed because it brings out my eyes and is naturally perfect. I could have sat there ALL DAY. Gene Juarez earned my business from that interaction. Instead of just doing a coloration and/or styling, and then charging me money, they told me NOT to color it and come back later for a cut and style. They didn’t charge me anything for this. They were thinking solely about the style, not the business. I have to respect that.

Shopping
This was a job. After giving my credit card a quick pep talk, “I need you on your game today, I’m relying on you!”, we hit the shops; we had a loooong list. Maria has great taste, and got me out of my comfort zone by making me try on things I never would have otherwise (I looked bad ass in a certain leather jacket, wow). We next had a very productive stop at Banana Republic where we crossed several things off the list (shirts, blazer, etc…too many things to list here, some basics along with cool things). And the following day, we checked off the rest of the list after getting a nice, fitted DKNY shirt, Bvlgari cologne, moisturizer, etc. But Saturday’s shopping trip would yield the outfit I’d wear out on the town to the clubs. Take away from this: Get things that fit…and if they don’t fit, get them tailored. Maria convinced me that all of my pants need to be tailored, and after she showed me what I look like with tailored pants, I agree with her. Wow. She also scolded me for dressing like a college kid. Another take away: Invest in the basics.

Now I was stylin’! The only thing I felt bad not buying was an awesome licorice cardigan pictured below. It’s just tough to wear in Seattle due to the rain.

Shopping was work, but fun too. Specifically, the shoe store shop. The absolutely adorable Vietnamese sales girl was fun and funny. She looked to genuinely enjoy talking with us. A bit young at 21 though. But I was crushing on her. And I got some awesome shoes too! Actually, all the stuff I got is awesome. I like wearing clothes that fit. It wasn’t cheap though. I almost spent enough at Banana Republic to reach a level worthy of getting free “altercations” (Maria’s Fruedian slip…ha ha! I was about to get ready to throw down with the clerk.)

But beyond just shopping, facials, etc, Maria taught me to do these things myself to improve my style. You know…the whole “teach a man to fish” saying? I can fish. I know how to look good.

• #10 – “Skin assessment. At a shopping mall. Shoot me.” (Being told I have normal-to-oily skin at Macy’s.)
• #9 – “Another weekend of getting more offers from gay dudes than straight women.” (After getting hit on relentlessly by a gay dude.)
• #8 – “My Jessica Biel-lookalike romance was not to be.” (I met someone I liked but was shot down.)
• #7 – “Yep, another bar. 75% male.” (Lamenting the Seattle bar scene.)
• #6 – “MANY of my friends have had babies lately. I’ve learned from their mistake.” (Fatherhood seems so far away right now.)
• #5 – “My credit card was crying. I had to console it and let it know that one day, in the distant future, its wounds will heal.” (Looking stylish ain’t cheap.)
• #4 – “Shopping is like hunting. Except with less shooting. And I have yet to pull the trigger.” (Not finding anything while shopping.)
• #3 – “My remaining clothes feel like the employees who now have to do all the work after a massive layoff.” (Looking at the pile of clothes from my wardrobe that were rejected for future wear.)
• #2 – “I’m now dressed like a Jedi. I’m going in…” (Wearing a rob at a spa where I got my first facial.)
• #1 – “Aaaaaauuuuummmmm…” (After my first ever facial.)

I hesitate to do this, but to properly imagine the below interactions, it helps to know what I was wearing. Here is a photo of me wearing my new blazer, my tight t-shirt, and my best jeans. It wasn’t just girls that reacted to this outfit. One dude dressed as Santa noticed the lion print and gave me a supportive, “Rarrrrr!” with a claw hand. Funny.

Anyway, we hit two places in Belltown. Personally, I’m a bit jaded on the Seattle bar scene. It seriously seems to be about 75% male. Maybe I’m going to the wrong places? But with that said, it made these small victories seem all the greater…

Shirt Opener #1
(This was pretty much the first interaction of the evening. We just got in and got drinks. People were wandering by and within 2 minutes, Maria interjected with a short and slender girl with short dark hair and a dress with exposed shoulders. She looked like Rachel Bilson’s sister.)

(I’m no longer processing what’s happening. I’m in the moment. She probably could have stripped me naked in the middle of the packed nightclub and I would have been oblivious to all else. But as soon as it started, it ended. We exchanged a few words, her friends came, and the shuffle continued. If this blog were fictional, it certainly would have ended differently.)

Shirt Opener #2
As you’ll read in other posts, I interacted with a fair number of women this night. The details for a few are fuzzy in my memory. But Maria used this same comment on another girl who touched me as well. She didn’t get to second base like the other one did but still touched the shirt in a similar way. Maria was right. I LOVE THIS SHIRT.

Maria’s famous advice, “Wear something to make women want to touch you”. YES!

The Consultation
Maria takes a look a the whole package and formulates a plan. There are areas where I need less help (fitness, professional development) and areas where I need more help (cosmetics, cologne, fashion, and more). Already she dictated that I write up 10 goals for 2010, use a teeth-whitening product, and to prepare for a thorough makeover. Ack!

What’s On The Agenda

• Clothing assessment – Taking inventory
• Hair style consultation – With a professional
• Hair styling – Sounds like I might get some color too. Umm, who’s idea was this?
• Manicure – Never had one but I hope to put the “man” in manicure.
• Pedicure – I don’t even really know what these are honestly. Something to do with a brand of dog food.
• Facial – Whatever, I’m resigned at this point. Do what you will.
• Shopping – This one I actually look forward to. I need new clothes anyway.
• Wingwoman – After all these style changes, the plan is to hit the bar scene. As I write this, it makes me nervous. The bar scene is tough for me. I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention but so far all my interactions have been during the day or at a friend’s party. No bar approaches/interactions yet. But it’s part of the game, a part I need to work on. So I’m thinking open mind, no expectations, and just have some fun!

I never even considered going this far with this project when I initially started. But I’ve had a change of philosophy lately that’s only generated positive results. As Maria says, “Well kept men attract well kept women”.

I like to make fun, but some of these things (like the hair) I’ve considered doing. Here’s my push to do it. I’ll update over Twitter and report back when it’s over.

I was never comfortable with accessorizing (wearing rings, wrists straps, etc,) but after my shopping trip a month ago, I’ve become addicted (Laurie you have created a monster!) Over the past month I’ve sought different accessorizes (primarily rings and straps) that would match my new outfits. There’s plenty of ways a guy can accessorize, but it must fit within the boundaries of the style. An example: I’m following a layered casual look, this means scarves, wrist straps, and rings are all within my boundaries. Other styles may include arm straps, chains (which I frown on), and hats (i.e. Kangol’s.) Before deciding on which accessorizes to purchase, take a moment to browse though AskMen’s Fashion section (especially the seasonal fashion preview area) or a male fashion magazine. Pay attention to what people are wearing, the type clothing style and which style you feel the most comfortable. Once you have a style chosen, begin to determine the accessorizes that will compliment the style. In most cases, a ring and wrist wear are necessary; for the colder months, hats or scarfs.

Grooming tasks

• Change hairstyle – Not done
• Get contacts – Done!
• Get a tan – Not done (see website paleisthenewtan.com)
• Get a manicure – Does this matter?
• Remove excess hair – Plucked and manscaped
• Whiten teeth – Not done
• Freshen breath – I’m ok in this area.
• Dermatology advice – Not done
• Accessorize – I’m shopping for a cool watch
• Join a gym – 3 times/week for past two years
• Eat healthier – Been doing this for years
• Make sure your clothes fit – In process

This part of the mission will probably never be completed. These tasks are part of a lifestyle. You could invest a full year in these things and it would pay off. For you guys out there following my missions, or doing them yourselves, I can’t stress enough how important this particular mission is. Sure, you can say “I don’t want to wear/go/do/buy something that isn’t me.” Try each and every one of the steps in the book just to try them. You can always abandon them later…but who knows what will stick or what will come of it? It’s about more than just clothing.

Also, exercise/going to the gym is an especially easy one to skip because it requires so much commitment. (It’s also so easy to find an excuse to skip on a any given day.) Do it anyway. Some things need to be done no matter what the context. I thought I was in shape because I wasn’t fat – not true. Now that I’ve been going to the gym several times per week for two years, plus playing a sport, I can see and feel a huge difference. It naturally became a “borderline obsession” just as Neil Strauss instructs in the book.

Make a Change

This part of the challenge has taken on a life of its own. I’ve already spent about $700 on new clothes from BlueFly.com. (I needed them anyway.) But there’s other stuff brewing that addresses this as well. Thus….

Mission grade: A

It’s a bit premature, but there are things in the works that allow me to pre-emptively give me this grade. I’m gonna do what it takes above and beyond my current primping. However, this stuff is going to take time. I’m moving on to the next mission while doing this in tandem.

(Giggles, jumps, and claps hands)

I kid (mostly). I’ll admit to being one of those guys who likes clothes. I don’t think it’s a superficial thing to want to look good to feel good. And that’s what this mission is all about. Looking better in order to feel better.

The mission – Grooming and style:

• Part 1 – Here Comes the Groom
  This is a grooming exercise where you choose one item on a checklist of tasks to implement. The book has a more complete list and suggestions for accomplishing them, but here are a few:
  • Change hairstyle
  • Get contacts
  • Get a tan
  • Get a manicure
  • Remove excess hair
  • Whiten teeth
  • Freshen breath
  • Dermatology advice
  • Accessorize
  • Join a gym
  • Eat healthier
  • Make sure your clothes fit
• Part 2 – Make a Change
  Here is where I use the store recommendation from Mission 4. The task is to go to a menswear shop for a style consultation. The shop should preferably be a small, independent store, and then speak to a salesperson (who seems helpful) and say that I want to change my style. If possible, avoid large chains. Next, try on the clothes, note the brands, sizes, etc, and feel how it changes you. The author Neil Strauss explicitly points out that the fit is more important than the style. Also, the mission doesn’t require you to actually buy anything, however, I think I’ll make the purchase. Nordstrom/Barney’s will be my back-up plan but I am first going to try a couple small shops in Ballard and Capital Hill that found on Yelp.com.

• Part 3 – Brush Up
  This part is a re-visit of one of the past exercises. Either the vocal exercise, posture, or positive thinking.

Honestly, I’ve been doing the fundamentals of this mission for years now. But I’m committed to completing all of these missions in the book so I will do it just like it says. In fact, I think I’ll do more than just one from the grooming checklist. And then the shopping part will be fun. I trust my own sense of style, but I might as well see what someone else picks out for me.

This one is gonna be easy; I’m excited about it.

Mission grade: B-

Things I did well:

• Approaching: In the right situation/mood I can be very social. I approached many, many women at the party and had great conversations. I was attracted to several of them as well. Bonus.
• Comfort: I was able to talk to these women easily. There was smiling, laughter, etc. Not once did I get a get-away-from-me-you-loser vibe. At one point some girl commented, “you met a lot of people tonight”. My take on that is that she was paying attention to the fact I was making the rounds. Social proof maybe? It was fun.
• Posture and Voice: I was concious of my voice and posture. I still need to work on things but it’s clearly on my radar now.

Areas I need improvement:

• Approaching anytime/anywhere: All of my approaches were in a social situation aided by a bit of alcohol. It was natural. I am still curious to try ask a woman on the street or in a cafe for a menswear store recommendation. I’m going to do that the next chance I get for extra credit.
• Upping the attraction/energy: I think I had a bit too much “nice guy” in me. It wasn’t the point of this mission buy I felt like I got to a point where I’m like, “now what do I do?”. Things were going well, but I never REALLY tried to go for the close/move forward. I didn’t ask for numbers, try move to a quieter part of the house, anything. Do I need to be more aggressive? That is not natural for me.

Additional area of concern:

• Which sex am I attracting? I got hit on most overtly by a dude. This is not my desired outcome. Still a bit flattering though.

Overall, I feel like this was progress. But part of me feels like I could be progressing more quickly. I don’t know what missions are yet to come but I felt like I was in situations where I could have done something but didn’t know what to do. Regardless, I had fun. I am having a blast being Devo and doing these missions. I can’t wait for the next one!

Store: Nordstrom or that other place I know.

It’s tough to remember every detail from the weekend but what follows are a few conversations that took place at the party. In general, it was a success, but not a runaway success. I had zero problems approaching. I think I talked to at least 16 different women. I approached at least 8. I am learning more about my strengths and weaknesses by doing this Stylelife Challenge. More on that in the summary post.

Of the 16 women I talked to, there were five or six that really stood out. There was the goofy one with sexy eyes, the Danish girl, the Kim Kardashian look-alike, the Capital Hill hippy, the dental hygenist, the Asian with glasses, the neighbor, and a few others that I don’t remember.

Kim Kardashian
(This girl looked like Kim. She was wearing a VERY low cut top, wore a lot of make-up, and had TIGHT jeans over Beyonce-like booty. Not my “type”, but tough not to be at least somewhat attracted to.)

Me: Nice gloves, where’d you get them?
Her: Oh, the costume shop on Denny. I cut the fingers off myself.
Me: Nice tailoring. My name is (real name).
Her: Hi, I’m Lisa.
Her friend: Hi, I’m Erica.
Me: So do you do all your shopping there?
Her: (chuckles) These were for a vampire costume.
Me: Oh no, you’re one those Twilight fans aren’t you?
Her: (silence, looks playfully guilty.)

(I KNEW it! WTF is up with Twilight?!)

Me: It’s ok. There’s a blond one right?
Her: Yes, you’d make a good Jasper.

(Not to self: Look up Jasper. Update: I look NOTHING like Jasper. Not at all whatsoever. Maybe the pale skin. Maybe.)

Me: So besides the costume shop, where do you think is a good place to get men’s clothing?
Her: Well, do you want to look like a douchebag or not?
Me: How douchey do I look now?
Her: Not at all. But if you want to look douchey, go buy a white suit at Banana Republic. Otherwise, go buy something at Nordstrom.
Me: Yeah, Nordstrom is good. Anyway, what do you you when you’re not dressing like a vampire?
Her: I’m a graphics designer.

(Ok, this next line I totally stole that line from some website. It’s not like me to say things like that but there was alcohol involved and I didn’t care.)

Me: Aw, that’s a shame. I was hoping you were going to say stripper.
Her: (Grabs my arm and pushes chest against me.) Ha ha ha! Well, yeah, I do that on the side too but not for a day job. Ha ha ha!
Me: (Smiles) That’s cool. Seriously though, I’m in design too. Websites and such.
Her: Oh cool, like what?
Me: Well, this and this, blah blah. How about you?
Her: I do blah blah blah. And blah blah blah. It’s blah! Blah….

(Ok, I’ll admit, I tuned out here for some reason. I blame the alcohol. Then my friend came over. But overall I thought that went well. She was “hot”, I approached, she laughed and had positive body language. Looking back I wonder if I should have been more aggressive later on.)

Capital Hill Hippy
(This girl was standing right next to the door, barefoot. Big beautiful eyes, artistic looking.)

Him: Hey guys.
Us: Hi.
Her: Where’s _____ (gay friend’s friend)?
Him: He was totally gabbing about (something inaudible).
Him: (Smiling to me) So are you a gay dude or a straight dude?
Her: (laughs)
Me: (Uh oh.) Uhhh, I’m a straight dude.
Him: Maybe a bit bi-curious at least?
Me: (chuckles nervously) No, straight…didn’t think I gave off that signal?
Him: Well you dress so well.
Me: Oh…thanks.

At that point the three of us chatted, but he was looking at me weirdly. Maybe I was just uncomfortable. I soon transitioned elsewhere. Emma had large pretty eyes. But she seemed stiff. I don’t know if she was uninterested or just boring. But I think I’m seeing an issue here. I might not be putting out a bold enough heterosexual vibe. All these women were perfectly content to talk to me but I couldn’t get electricity going. But I noticed this Emma making eye contact with me both before and after the exchange. So I think I made some sort of impression. Perhaps the entire exchange was just so weird she didn’t know what to think. In retrospect I should have asked him where to shop. He’d probably know where to get cool men’s clothes.

The Others
I’m just going to summarize the other conversations as it’s really hard to remember these, verbatim, several days later now with the added difficulty of having been drinking and been up to 3 am. The Danish girl, super cute, I approached her effortlessly. But I didn’t get a chance to ask about a store. We chatted for a while, I probably should have just asked her out. What the hell did I have to lose?! I didn’t have any date ideas at the time. Anyway, then the Dental hygenist was with a friend when I approached. She had to check with her friend when I asked about an independent cool menswear store. One of them said boutiques aren’t common for guys. (True, but come on, I even know of one in Seattle. Two, in fact.) Another random girl, a neighbor, who I don’t remember much about also said Nordstrom. The super cute Asian girl with glasses only gets mentioned because she was super cute. She actually approached me to introduce herself and ask about me. I saw she was with some dude…they seemed like a couple. I hate to wish a breakup on anyone but wow, I dug her. Smiley, quirky, friendly, and HOT. We bantered a bit and I didn’t ask about clothes. Whew! There is a good chance I see some of these people again in the same circle.

Overall, a fun, fun party. I had no problem approaching in this environment. Being sober and approaching random women on the street, on the other hand, is a different story.

The field test for this mission involves talking to women. The mission is titled “Ask an Expert”. The task: Ask three, preferably stylish, women to recommend a cool local clothing store that carries menswear. When successful, write it down. (I’m guessing I’ll be going there later.) Get at least one recommendation. The author notes that these should be women I see myself as potentially dating.

This is good. It’s probably going to be awkward at first, but this is the whole point of this project. Failure is not an option.

This will also be both personally and logistically challenging. Doing this in one of Seattle’s non-Downtown neighborhoods (Capital Hill, Belltown, Fremont, etc) would result in the coolest menswear shops – but it will be WET! Targets will be few and far between. We’re in for 10 days of rain, at least. I suppose a mall is an option, but then the crowd gets suburby and the answer may result in one of those chain stores that are everywhere (H&M, Banana Republic, etc).

Hmmm…

This might require a couple attempts in a couple of places. Perhaps a coffee shop or something in one of those neighborhoods could be better than trying to track someone down in the rain on the street? Maybe at a bar some evening after work? But approaching in a bar sounds like it should be its own mission later on. And that doesn’t seem like a natural thing to ask someone in a bar. Depends on the situation I guess. Am I overthinking this?

But before I start all that, let’s go over all three parts of this mission:

1. Hit The Showers: Shower, shave, put on clean clothes, etc. Some may even condition and exfoliate and this does not make them any less of a man. Give yourself a pep talk about you deserving the best in life. But don’t masturbate. (Yep, the author explicitly stated this.) The purpose of this, I think, is to start getting into a confident mind-frame. So the point of not showering in the last mission was to really bring home the point and feel good here.
2. Ask An Expert: Ask at least three women to recommend a cool store selling menswear and get at least one recommendation.
3. Stand Up Straight: This exercise is designed to improve one’s posture. In the book there is an exercise to practice at home designed to improve posture. There are also two downloadable videos for this.

Note to self: Keep doing the vocal training exercises on page 30. I certainly have room for improvement with this. I need to work on it.

But now, it’s time to go ask women where to shop.