Christmas Eve day at the Minneapolis Airport…
(I’d just landed in Minneapolis at 6:30 am. I had been up for about 24 hours and was quite out of it. I was waiting at the light rail train platform to take me to downtown when I noticed a tall, slender girl with strawberry blonde hair and big cute eyes. Something about her made her easy to approach. First, she was nearby, but something about her body language gave a signal. I just say the first thing on my mind…)

Me: Bye.
Her: Bye.

So that was that. It was easy, genuine, and random. And who knows…things would have likely continued differently had we lived in the same city. It was sad too, but at the same time, wonderful. Apparently, I’m a hopeless romantic…I miss her as I write this.

My advice is to let that picture grow. Let it become detailed. Don’t feel guilty about being selfish here. Dating is not like hiring an employee. It’s okay to be sexist, racist and ageist, and any other -ist you chose. It’s okay to want travel, money, humor, curves, height, artistic merit, and large… ahem, body-parts.

I thought it fit in well with my project. So I sat down and created my list:

My Ideal Woman

• Smiling and happy, cute girl-next-door type
• But, with seductive, sexy, come-hither brown eyes
• Quirky, dry sense of humor, but feisty too
• Stylish dresser with a bit of an edge
• Small, shiny nose-piercing
• 24-29 years old (I want to plan her 30th b-day party)
• Dark hair
• 5’6″-5’9″
• Tight body with perky, Lululemon-hugged lower half. Chest size is not flat but not huge, just normal. Fitness is a priority.
• Artsy/unique job, like yoga instructor or interior decorator
• College-educated
• Traveled. Someone equally comfortable traveling to some world city like Paris or Tokyo to go shopping and eating out as she would be renting a car and driving around fishing villages in New England or hillside towns in Italy.
• Not a picky eater, instead, the opposite. Someone who’s not just open to, but actively seeks trying all sorts of things.
• She should have a hobby she’s good at and excited about. It can be anything, volleyball, glee club, rocketry, arm-wrestling, whatever.
• Would choose a savory snack over a sweet one

I had a long blog post about how I thought this list was impossible, that this woman does not exist. But before I posted it, I met “Girl #1” during my previous mission. It was weird, right after I articulated what I wanted. She hit an astonishing number of the above criteria. It was during our interaction that I began to notice this and thus the emotional letdown I experienced when I otherwise should have been on top of the world.

Even though I was close, I still remain unsold whether or not being this specific is a good idea. Because I really doubt the exact above girl is out there. Or if she is, then she’s unavailable. Also, different people bring out different parts of ourselves. Who’s to say we know who fits us best?

But that’s me looking at what’s lacking, not what I’ve gained. Already, I’ve connected more with people in general. What an experience to hang with Holy Joe at famous LA haunts such at Chateau Marmont, Capitol Records, Freddy Krueger’s house, Pink’s Hot Dogs, etc. That dude has it together. And he dresses “out there” but very tastefully stylish. I could learn a lot. “Body language” was my big takeaway.

I’ll always remember what he said to me in LA at 2:30 am:

“Dude, you’re a prize. You’re a good-looking dude, you’re smart, you’re funny. You’ve got a good job. You’ve got a ton going for you. These girls would be LUCKY to be with you.”

Thanks again for that. I wish I could remember everything he said, he’s a wealth of experience and advice. But none of these events or people I’ve met would have happened had I not started this project. I’m having a blast doing these missions and seeing where it takes me. What a ride! I can’t imagine what’s in store with 24 more missions. Look what’s happened with just 6! Though I’m a bit concerned that this pace of improvement can’t be maintained. I worry about hitting a plateau. But then again, “worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe”.

As a reminder to myself, there are a few optional/extra items I need to handle to really go for it and also get additional practice:

• Do the voice practice again
• Do the posture exercise again
• Ask a stylish girl on the street for a cool menswear shop
• Crash and burn – approach someone way out of my league just to get this experience under my belt
• Change my style*

* Much more on this to come. Stay tuned.

P.S. One OTHER thing I’ve learned…it is HARD to remember complete dialogues of conversations. I feel like I am an actor in a movie memorizing/reciting these lines in one shot in real-time. But trying to do this has made me a better listener. If you’re actively trying to remember conversations, you make much more of an effort to listen. This is worth something.

You may be wondering how I came up with the name Devo Vaderville. I had a few things rolling around in my head one day and sort of came up with a naming convention. Let’s call this the GSG Nickname System™.

Step 1
Choose the first logical part of the name of an 80′s band. Example: The Bangles becomes “Bangle”, Duran Duran becomes “Duran”, The Scorpions becomes “Scorpion”.

Step 2
Choose a Star Wars character. Yoda, Lando, Leia. All good choices.

Step 3
Choose a typical name ending like -son, -ville, -feld, -gers, -ster, -ton, -man. Or even go crazy with an Irish O’ before it.

Step 4
Combine it! Def Jabbason, Bon Obifeld, Depeche Fettster, Twisted Soloton, Van O’Chewie. Feel free to use these.

This post is completely…well, mostly, unrelated to my project. I just want to make a note of it for historical record to compare both the event and my reaction to it to future events and my reaction. So here’s what happened:

I met my friends at a bar in the next neighborhood. We just ate, drank and chatted. They don’t know about my project. We had a good time. Two of them had flights the next morning so me and the other dude, my closer friend of the bunch, went next door for another drink.

Another drink turned into a few. And at some point, this girl, maybe 24-26 years old, pulled up next to me (on my left) and said, “Can I hang out with you guys?” I said “hi” and my friend was like, “Sure, how’s it going?” She’s like “Good, but my friend had to leave”. And then, well, I don’t really remember what we/she said. It happened a while ago and I’m a bit drunk.

Anyway, we chatted for a long time and, oh yeah, somehow we got talking about yoga and for some reason she unzipped her sweater to show off her cleavage and tank top. Obviously that part would stand out.

(Note: Jimmy Fallon is on and he’s interviewing “Boone” from LOST. Says he is in the final season but can’t say anything about it. Huh. He died. So that’s a teaser for sure. The time thing worked and we’ll be either before the plane crash or if the plane crash didn’t happen.)

ANYWAY…yeah, this girl told me her name and I promptly forgot it. As you can tell, I wasn’t too interested. But between the displaying her breasts, brushing against my leg, and talking to us for SO LONG. (Man, could she TALK, blah blah blah.) I felt like I could have made something happen. At first I was like, what the hell, it could be fun. She’s cute and has nice breasts. But then again, I just wasn’t that interested. At one point I went to the bathroom and as I was getting up she was like, “are you going to smoke?” I was like, “no, bathroom”. She didn’t seem desperate, I don’t mean to portray her as such. We had a nice conversation. She talked on and on about her travels and was funny and engaging. My friend wasn’t interested either. But he had just ran a bunch of miles preparing for a marathon. I am still sticky from not showering for 2 days but that could have been easily remedied. I’ll be completely honest here: I was both attracted and not. I probably could have enjoyed getting physical, but I didn’t WANT it. I thought I would. Maybe I’m wrong and think too highly of myself?

Whatever…this was fun, and a bit of an ego boost to have some random bar girl come hang out with us. It was fun just to hang with my buddies and drink. I did notice on the other side of the bar there was an older woman, in cool black stylish clothing, paying attention to us. She was older but I was digging her. She looked over several times. She was with her husband I think. But she was nice. She looked like…

(Ok, they are playing DJ Hero on Jimmy Fallon. That looks fun.)

I’m gonna wrap this up. I probably could have made something happen, but I didn’t. It turns out I’m not desperate. Also, I’m following rule #1 (and #2).

(Holy shit…Jimmy Fallon ended and Niel Strauss, the author of this whole series of missions (Rules of the Game) is on Last Call with Carson Daly. This is just weird. I have never seen this dude on TV before and he’s on TV after this, while I’m writing this. WTF!? Seriously. So he’s talking a little bit about the game…but now about Rolling Stone. I’m not showering because of this dude I happen to be watching on TV at 1:43 am. This is a trip. I never watch this show. I’ve never read Neil’s stuff. But he’s my professor.

Ok, where was I? So yeah, the older woman at the bar made eye contact with me. Probably because I was making eye contact with her. She was classy. And this young girl was chatting our ears off. My friend was ready to go to sleep and we left. We said our goodbyes. I’m going to post this and clean it up tomorrow.

But seriously, Neil Strauss on TV as I’m writing this?!

Women make mistakes too...but don't make them angry

The first is a list of 14 relationship mistakes women make and it couldn’t be any more accurate. Especially…

4. Displacing. Freud was right with this one. If we’re mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge, tell him we’re mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge. Don’t turn it into a commitment issue.

5. Expecting too much. Putting so much energy into the idea of a fairy-tale romance that we’re disappointed with anything less.

10. Using the silent treatment. Our partners can’t read our minds; he won’t know what’s wrong unless we sack up and tell him.

And then there was a link to 5 Things Single Women Can’t Resist. These sound intuitive. I’m going to take note:

1.) Eye Contact: We’re aware of how basic this sounds. Almost in the same league as “say hello” but we cannot stress enough how often this simple social pleasantry is butchered. If you’re new to this, start out slow, look in our eyes—not at the girl walking up the steps behind us.

2.) A Nice Scent: Please approach cologne like you would flattery. Laying it on thick seems tacky and don’t go for cheap and obvious. A light spritz is all it takes to let us know you’ve entered our space.

3.) The International Signal For ‘Back Off:’ We suddenly have to pee. We text and a friend appears. We scoot away, mentioning a purse, bag, bartender, ATM, a slice of pizza that needs to be found/retrieved/eaten. We want to leave. And we’re trying to be polite. Please take the hint. Thanks.

4.) An Attentive Ear: We want to know all about why you think Obama’s healthcare plan sucks, your musical gripes with the Arctic Monkeys, and how your neighborhood has the best Thai in the whole city. Really. We do. But if we’re rattling on about the epiphany we had while backpacking through Greece, PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN. Refer to #1. Wait for a pause, another beat for good measure, and then politely work in your opinions about hostels in Amsterdam.

5.) A Big-Boy Accessory: Spending a month’s pay on a gold medallion isn’t going to charm the pants off us. But never underestimate the brownie points you’ll earn when we surreptitiously notice a nice, understated watch. Or pair of shoes, a slick jacket or a nifty haircut. Just a sprinkling to let us know you’ve progressed beyond backwards baseball caps and basketball jerseys.