Me: Is anyone sitting here?
Woman: I’m waiting for my friend but you can move when she gets here.
Me: Ok, thanks.

(My friend and I sit down, with one woman, who looked like a Moroccan version of Rachel Weisz, to me on my left and two girls facing my friend and I on our right.)

Rachel: When you walked by I could totally tell you wanted to talk to me.

(I’m surprised she started talking to me immediately after I sit down, but luckily I can be quick-witted…)

Me: I’m going to translate that to when I walked by YOU totally wanted to talk to ME. And that’s cool.
Rachel: Ha ha ha!

(We exchange a few pleasantries about what she does, living in Seattle, and the bar we’re in. She’s flirty and I play along.)

Rachel: So do you come here a lot?
Me: “Do you come here a lot”? That’s the oldest pick-up line in the book! You gotta play it cool. (smile)
Rachel: (laughs) Right…How old are you anyway?
Me: (touching her arm lightly) A woman never tells her age.
Rachel: (grabs my arm) You’re not a woman!
Me: Well you ASSUME I’m not. But I’ll tell you this much. I’m old enough to have a good career and young enough to still have fun. How old are you?
Rachel: I have a 14 year-old kid…
Me: Oh cool, how many grandkids? (smile and wink)
Rachel: Oh fuck you! (smiles and flicks me off)
Me: Wow, a milf who swears like a sailor! You oughta do well here tonight but I better stay far away. (smiles)

(Oops, did I go out of line there? That was a BIT bold calling her a milf…)

Rachel: (Laughs, loudly) (Pause, flirtatious smile) So…have you been upstairs?

(Guess it was ok…)

Me: Yeah, it’s cool.
Rachel: What is it, like a dance floor?
Me: No. It’s a petting zoo. There’s a couple donkeys and pigs there, it’s fun.
Rachel: (laughs, loudly again) You’re funny.
Me: Thanks. (Pause) So you look somewhat fashionable, perhaps you can settle a debate my friend Andy, right here, we’re having. Is khaki, like khaki pants, a color or a fabric?
Rachel: This is what you guys talk about?
Me: Well, we were talking to these four frat guys all wearing the same pants and were wondering. This is Andy by the way.
Rachel: Nice to meet you.
Andy: Nice to meet you too, what are we talking about?
Rachel: Your friend is telling me about your khaki conversation.
Andy: (blank stare)
Rachel: I think it’s both. Perhaps you should ask them? (points at the girls on Andy’s right, they’ve been watching us, this woman has a loud laugh.)

(One girl looks like Anna Faris. Pretty, approaching gorgeous if you just count the eyes. Very sexy eyes. But trying too hard overall. Fake blond hair and WAY too much makeup.)

Me: Good idea, Andy, ask them if khaki, like khaki pants, is a color or a fabric.
Andy: (He trusts me and plays along) Hey guys, these two are asking if you think khaki is a color or a fabric?

(Anna and Friend smile and give us a tilted glance, clearly intrigued.)

Anna and Friend: Uh…what?
Me: You know, khaki like khaki pants. Is it a color or a fabric?
Anna: I think it’s a color.
Me: No, no, no. There’s all sorts of color of khaki pants. Green khaki, brown khaki, beige khaki.
Anna: Oh, you’re right. Maybe both then?
Me: Yeah, that’s what we’re leaning towards too. I’m Devo by the way. This is my friend Andy. And this is my other friend…uh, what was your name again?
Rachel: Hi, I’m Rachel.
Them: Nice to meet you.

(Andy then talks to the new girls, I continue talking with Rachel. Then Rachel’s friend arrives, we do introductions, and she updates her on what we’ve all been discussing. While she is catching up with her friend, I turn to join my friend and the new girls.)

Anna: Any more fashion questions?
Me: No, you settled the debate, thanks. (smile)

(My friend whispers to me that Anna has a boyfriend and we should go next door. I say ok, but first…)

Me: So what do you guys do besides intervening in bar room debates?
Friend: I work at an insurance company.
Anna: I’m in Marketing.
Me: Oh, that’s too bad. I was hoping you were going to say yoga instructor. Oh well, plenty of girls in here for me. (smile)

(Looks at me for a moment, then smiles and laughs. My friend starts talking to her friend. She then responds…)

Anna: Sorry to disappoint you.
Me: I’ll get by. So my buddy and I have to go meet some friends next door soon. But can I ask you some dating advice?
Anna: (smiles) Sure!
Me: So I met this girl at the Minneapolis airport. It was on a train platform, Christmas Eve. She was going to Seattle, I was going to Minneapolis, we were swapping cities.

(She is absolutely captivated. I’m shocked…though I shouldn’t be. These girls were just sitting there, doing nothing. A box of Kleenex would have been entertaining.)

Me: So we had a great conversation on the train, I think things are going well. But then, her stop comes and I don’t have time to get her phone or email or anything. I just say, “nice to meet you” and she gets off.

(She nods, I still have her.)

Me: I’m kicking myself. She was super cute and fun. But…I have her first name, school, and department. Do you think I should track her down?
Anna: Like, how?
Me: Maybe email her department and say that we got cut off and I’ll ask them to forward her my message?
Anna: Oh, yes, I think you should do that. You’ve got nothing to lose.
Me: Ok, good. I’m glad you said that…because that’s exactly what I did.
Anna: (laughs) And?!?!
Me: Settle down! (smile) So yeah, I sent a message to her school, and sure enough, a couple days later I got an email from her.
Anna: (excitedly) Ohhh! She likes you!
Me: Just wait, the story gets even better…

(At this point my friend clearly wants to go next door. We’re supposed to meet his current/ex-girlfriend and her friend. I’m going to have to talk to him about this. But if she does have a boyfriend, it’s better we go. Plus, while hot, this isn’t the type of girl I see myself with. Sure I would gladly have done who knows what with her…but for some reason, I didn’t feel like I was passing up on anything by leaving.)

Me: We’ve got to meet some friends next door, if you want to hear the rest of the story, head over there.
Anna: I’d like to but we’re meeting our boyfriends here soon.
Me: (Of course…nobody is single here…) Cool. See ya later!
Anna: Bye!

(Then I go say goodbye to Rachel as well.)