This is the third, and final, approach for completing Mission 8, and it’s a doozy. Get comfortable…
(Saturday night: This evening I had my sport team’s reunion at my apartment. The plan was for a guys night of hanging out eating, drinking, and maybe watch a movie. At one point I was asked about being single again. I think all of them are in a LTR.)
Friend: You doing any online dating?
Me: No, not yet. I’ve mainly been going to bars and parties.
Friend: Having any luck?
Me: Well, I’ve met a lot of people that way, it’s been fun.
Other friend: I can’t imagine trying to meet people in bars.
Me: Well, it’s tough, but I’ve got a little strategy.
Another friend: You should hear it, he’s got this whole thing.
Friend: What thing?
Me: Ah, just a way of trying to talk to girls in bars without being like everyone else. I’ll tell you about it sometime.
(I didn’t think they were going to let it go but they did. However, this was enough to get me in trouble later on in the evening.)
(Later on, someone got a call from another friend telling us to come to a nearby bar. These guys NEVER go out but tonight they didn’t have to be with their wives/kids/girlfriends, were a little drunk, and therefore eager to hit the town. Last time we got together it ended at 10:00 pm. Not tonight as at 11:30 or so the seven of us head out to the bar.
(After arriving at the bar and getting drinks, of course they start scoping people out. There are not many girls there. There were a few though…)
Friend: Ok, Devo, so those three right there, how would you talk to them? Go ask to buy them a drink?
Me: No, look, they already have full drinks. I’d try “fly in under the radar”. (I quote my words.) Every guy asks to buy them drinks.
Other friend: Go do it. Show us what you’d do. Other friend: Go Devo! Let’s see it!
Friend: Yeah, the one in the gray. She’s hot!
(And she was. She was my type. Beautiful brown eyes, in shape, mid-to-late 20′s, stylish gray blazer, form-fitting jeans, brunette, cute-but-sexy girl next door looks. Wow. Arguably the most attractive girl in the room, at least in my opinion. And get this, she has a nose ring. The shiny little dot type that I love for some reason. My friends wouldn’t let it go.)
Friends: Go do it man, you’ve got nothing to lose!
(“Oh shit”, I thought. Now I’m in a TOUGH situation. We’ve entered a world of jungle rules now; I’ve been challenged. I either man up and go talk to them or I lose all respect. Plus, it’s actually my mission to do this. I have NO choice. Even though I am NOT feeling good about this, I rapidly realize I will feel worse if I don’t do it. Three girls. THREE! In a full bar, full of dudes, with 5-6 of my friends watching from mere feet away. Oh shit is right. Doing this was more difficult for me than I can accurately communicate. I go in sheepishly…)
Me: (Walking by, over my shoulder) Hi.
Them: (Nothing. They continue talking to each other.)
Me: (Crap, they either didn’t hear me, or are ignoring me. Louder this time, I say.) How’s it going? (I smile.)
Them: (Eying me dubiously, one says…) Good.
Me: (I’m nearly losing it here. That wasn’t smooth, everyone is watching, what the hell have I gotten into?! My friends’ eyes are burning into the back of my skull. Must. Not. Choke. I say…) I have to get back to my friends, but we’re debating something and I need a female opinion.
Them: (Body language noticeably relaxes, they actually lean in to hear me better.)
(Since I didn’t have time to think this through, I fall back to the question I used last weekend in Mission 6.)
Me: My friend over there (I point) is going on a second date with this girl. He wants to take her on a helicopter ride over the Space Needle. What do you think?
Girl 1 (my target, btw): A second date? Oh no.
Girl 2: Yeah, that’s too much.
Girl 3: That’s something you’d do on an anniversary or something, not a second date.
(Hello!? Seriously, where were these answers last weekend? Everyone wanted a helicopter ride last weekend. But these three are different, more intelligent, I sense. And even though I am supposed to disagree, I say…)
Me: Yes, finally, common sense! I’ve been telling him this but the other girls we’ve asked have said it’s a good idea. I think he’s crazy.
Them: (They’re still on guard a bit and wait to see what’s next.)
(Stay with me here, I actually have a plan.)
Me: So which one of you three is the leader?
Them: (Looking at each other) Huh?
Me: You know, which one of you decided to come here tonight? (I point to each and smile.)
Girl 2: None of us, it was mutual.
Girl 1: Yeah.
Me: (Not the answer I wanted, but I plow ahead.) Well, you two seem like the trouble-makers (points at girl 2 and 3), and you (pointing at my target) seem like the Mother of the group, the safe one keeping them in line.
Girl 2 and 3: (Laughing)
Girl 1: What?! No, no no, I’m so not! I’m usually the one that blah blah blah!
(Whoa, it worked. She’s selling herself to me that she’s not the boring one. I laugh along with girl 2 and 3 at her.)
Me: Ok, ok. (Back to girl 2 and 3) My name is Devo, by the way. What’s your names?
Them: (saying names, shaking hands)
Girl 2: (Grabs girl 3 and says) We’re domestic partners.
Me: (Huh?) I see. Do you use the same toothpaste?
Girl 2 and 3: (look at each other and laugh) Yeah, I guess we do.
Me: Yeah, you seem to know each other well, you have to look at each other before answering, it’s cute.
Girl 3: We’re not actually a couple though.
Me: I see, roommates then?
Girl 2: Yeah, so can you stand on one leg? (she demonstrates) I want to see how sober you are.
(Qualifying me, eh? I’m not that drunk…I’ll show you.)
Me: Ha! Ok… (I stand on one leg) I’ll do you one better… (I transition into a flawless tree pose) Tree pose. Aaaauuummm.
Them: (Laughing)
(Take that!)
(This is actually going well, I’m relaxed. I have a theory. A group of three girls come to a place like this for a reason, they WANT to socialize. So when some dude comes up in a non-threatening way, and entertains them, of course that is going to work.)
Me to Girl 1, my target: So what do you do?
Her: Oh, I work at ______ as a _____. I just graduated with a master’s.
Me: Oh, that’s a shame, I was hoping you were a yoga instructor.
Her: (laughs) Oh, nope sorry!
Me: Seriously though, that’s a cool job I’d like to hear more. Is that a nose ring?
Her: Yeah. (Turns head so I can see it better)
Me: That’s cool. I like the shiny little dot nose piercings for some reason.
Her: (Smiles)
(At this point, I notice girl 3′s gaze start to wander, back to them…)
Me: (To other girls) And you two?
Girl 2: I’m a _____ at blah blah blah.
Girl 3: I work at ______ doing blah blah blah.
Girl 2: What do you do, Devo?
(Thanks for asking!)
Me: I’m a cigarette lighter repairman.
Them: (confused)
Girl 2: So you repair…um…
Me: (I smile jokingly at Girl 1.)
Girl 1: Oh you’re joking! (laughs and smiles)
Others: (laughs)
Me: Seriously though, I’m a web designer. I love having a creative outlet.
Them: Blah blah blah!
(We chat about things some more, what they do, that part of the city, where we’re from, etc. It was going very well. What I do next is one of the ballsiest things I do yet. Someone in college once told me to try this. I have no idea what I was thinking…but I was now having fun, in the zone.)
Me: Hey, do you guys want to see a magic trick?
Them: (more enthusiastically than I expected) YES!!
(Here goes. I’ve been oblivious to anything else happening in the bar or with my friends. I am focused on them.)
Me: Ok, Everyone close, no cover, your eyes with your hand, and count to 5.
Them: What are you going to do?
Me: Just a quick trick, it’s fun. Cover your eyes to on the count of three.
Them: Uh…ok…
(They comply and are not looking.)
Me: (I pull girl number 1 by the shoulders away from her friends around to the end of the bar behind some other people. She let’s me do this and opens her eyes.)
Me: (I’m now leaning back against the bar with relaxed body language) I just made you disappear. (I smile.)
Girl 1: (Laughs)
Girl 2 and 3: (We see them look at each other and around.)
Girl 1: (Peeks over) He made me disappear! (laughs)
Girl 2 and 3: (They laugh, giggle actually, and follow us.)
(They compliment my trick, etc. We chat for a while longer. And I don’t know how what happened next happened, but as I was talking to girl 1, girls 2 and 3 turn around and walk away leaving me and girl 1 alone. She is not following her friends and is smiling and looking at me. I feel like I missed something subtle. I don’t know what chick signal she sent out to dismiss them, but I want to learn it.)
Time out. Seriously, let’s take stock of all that just happened. This is obviously my shining achievement to date for approaching women. I just walked up to a group of 3 women, in a singles bar, full of other dudes probably wanting the same thing, with my friends watching the entire episode, entertained this group of women, and then isolated the one I was MOST attracted to. Who is this guy and how the hell did he just pull that off?! There’s no way I can do this again.
(Now it’s just me and her.)
Her: So how long have you lived here?
Me: Oh, about blah blah blah.
Her: Blah blah blah.
Me: So you just graduated? What do you like most about your job?
Her: Yeah, I graduated in ____, I really enjoy blah blah blah. (I couldn’t focus, I was in awe of what was happening. She said something about “helping people and making a difference in their lives” but longer and more drawn out.)
(I lean in and gently touch her waist while speaking more closely…)
Me: So many people these days are all about finding a job to make the most money and not about making a difference. It’s great that you can, I find that very attractive.
(Something clicks, her eyes dilate or something. She’s enchanted, I’m enchanted. I wanted to make out with her right there. She smiles. We have a moment.)
Her: Yes, it’s important to me.
Me: Blah blah blah. (I’m in a trance. She has perfect eyes. This is someone I could fall for.)
Her: Blah blah blah.
Me: Blah blah.
(We have a nice conversation, getting to know one another. Where we’re from, age, etc. She’s smart, friendly, happy, beautiful, like I said…this is someone I want.)
(At this point, my back is against the bar so I can see my friends. They are pointing at their watches as we’re supposed to be at the next place. But I continue chatting with this girl.)
Me: You know what, I’m getting told by my friends it’s time to leave but I really, enjoy talking to you. How can we continue this conversation?
Her: (smiles, says immediately) Call me.
(Oh hell yeah!)
Me: (I pull out my phone and have her enter the number.) While you’re at it, give me your email address too.
Her: Ok!
(And then, it happens…)
Her: You should know…I have a pretty serious boyfriend. We just bought a house together.
(Nooooooooo!! Not again! Arrrrgggghhhhh!!! Seriously, come on. We HAD something. Why didn’t this come up sooner?! I play it cool. Hat tip to Holy Joe again.)
Me: Oh, you have a boyfriend, so do I, we should introduce them and they can go shopping while we hang out.
Her: (Looks at me oddly) Wait, do you really have a boyfriend?
Me: Many. But none in the romantic sense. (I smile and go to shake her hand)
Her: (She takes my hand and pulls me closer.) *Hugs*
Me: It was great to meet you. I’ll be in touch, bye. (Smiles)
Her: Bye!
(I walk over to my friends who are already on the way out. We leave.)
We get outside and I’m a hero. I get high fives all around. They ask, “you got her number?!” “How did you get her friends to leave?” “What did you say to them?!” And more, I had to tell them a bit. At the other bar I had to tell one of my closer friends about the magic trick specifically, “You did THAT?! That’s effin’ crazy man! But of course that worked. I LOVE that it worked!!”
Honestly, it was great. I was THE MAN. They were impressed beyond compare. That night I was a king among men. However, I had a gnawing pit growing inside me. It was a feeling I wouldn’t fully understand it until later, if even then.
#1 by LuckycChica on December 23, 2009 - 5:45 pm
Way to go, Devo. You did it! I’d say the real accomplishment (from a woman’s standpoint), is that you managed to talk to three girls- on a bet/dare from your friends- and not come off douche-y at all! The fact that the most compelling one (in your eyes) gave you so much face time even though she had a boyfriend, is huge. Hats off to you. I would say all guys should take a lesson: this is what having moves is all about. Entertain, engage and go after what you want without being inappropriate or aggressive.
Bravo.
#2 by uicukie on December 30, 2009 - 9:20 am
this looks liek tour de force pickup — the force is strong with you my friend.
one note (per Juggler): it’s always advisable to find out girl’s logistical situation (aka boyfriend situation) to help make approach effective.
#3 by TCG on December 30, 2009 - 10:49 am
This post is fantastic! Loving the “magic trick.” I really like that you can recount your stories so well, too.
#4 by Devo on December 30, 2009 - 11:50 am
Thanks everyone! It DID go spectacularly well. But I fear it was too much success too soon. I don’t know how I could pull this off again. And good call about figuring out logistical situations beforehand. That would have been good to know.
#5 by TCG on December 30, 2009 - 12:53 pm
Don’t be so hard on yourself, Devo! You did fabulous! And of course you can pull it off again! Thinking anything else is completely counter-intuitive.